What’s Good For a Snack and Fits On Your Back? It’s Blog, Blog, Blog…

A few weeks ago, I endeavored to resurrect from digital obscurity the old hard drive from my parents’ ancient Macintosh Performa 6250 which we had for some years when I was a kid. It was the machine upon which I either created or stored many of my pieces of writing. Contrary to “popular” opinion and evidenced by this blog, I used to write a great deal.

One of the pieces of writing that I personally enjoyed the most was the result of an assignment I was given by my senior high school World Literature teacher. Said assignment was to write a “stream-of-consciousness” piece. Being that I wasn’t always the most time-aware student, I waited until the day this was due to write anything at all. Ultimately, I ended up getting a C+ for this as I apparently failed in the requirement to create a “story” out of what I’d written, but then I was going by the literal definition of the assignment title and thus wrote what came to my head.

So, this was written one fall day some 11 years ago now over the span of perhaps 40 minutes. It’s as-written, unedited and unchanged today. Probably it’s just a bunch of blather, but buried in its words (somewhere) is perhaps a better glimpse into myself for those who care to look for it. Enjoy.

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World Literature – 3
14 May 1998

Remember what they said to you and how it felt so painful like the knife that cut you when you were 10 and your brother brought it back for you from Norway. Denmark is a nice country, I’ve been there a few times but not as many as I’ve been to my own house, must be a million or so by now. How could you have let them do that to you? The words and words and words killing your heart again like the first time the last time every time why this time again? You’ll never be what they said you would and you’ll never get anywhere you don’t try to get and go and just leave this place go somewhere else go somewhere fun. It’s like the person I met on the bus that one time hey how are you doing I’m fine I don’t know where you’re going but I’m going to downtown Atlanta faster than a bullet. Guns don’t kill people it’s the bullets that do I don’t know why people blame all their problems on things they don’t understand. I wish I could be with someone I wish this girl would realize I love her and I don’t want to hurt her all I ever wanted to be was friends she can’t see it she only sees me for who I’m not she doesn’t believe me though she says she trusts me. I don’t want to be you but I’d rather not be just me only parts of us. Breaking my wrist when I was 11 hurt me more than I could hurt myself not like I’d want to I don’t agree with suicide. Life is too short to take your own life you should just live for now and take things as they come at you. “It’s coming right for us!” and the blast of the shotgun takes off the head of the Rocky Mountain black bear, one of the last of its kind.

Aching hearts and the pain of love can make you realize you’ll never be anyone anything everyone all things nothing that made sense to you before and people will say “What the hell is wrong with you?” You can’t see because you’re blind just like you would be if you looked at an eclipse without those sun-goggles. My cousin used to have an Eclipse with fat racing tires and a radar detector. One time he picked us up to take us to Boston and we got there in about twenty minutes. “U-turns aren’t completely illegal here.” When I first met her thoughts raced in and out of my mind like what will she think of me will she like me do I look all right will I be “cool” enough for her can she tell I’m really nervous will I get to kiss her? Things after that opened up a lot because she was as vulnerable as I was and we got attached to each other after that. People will often say you’ll never amount to anything you’ll end up being a bum a no one a worthless piece of hey what is that on your shoe I don’t know why don’t you help me wash it off. No way you can wash your own car or better yet bring it to one of those places where you drive in and those big cloth straps and water wash your car for you while you sit in it like a sinking submarine. “You mean a car wash?” “Yeah, one of those.”

I wish I hadn’t let you go I wanted you to stay still do but now you’re with someone else and I’m alone but isn’t that how it always goes I still love her but I don’t know if she knows and I don’t know if she’d care I wish I could tell her but I’m afraid what she’d say. I should’ve never let her go but I had to I wasn’t going to control her I’m not like that I’m just a friend and all I’ve ever wanted was the best for her and I think she knows that I never tried to hurt her although I did sometimes. I hope someday we can get back together but even if we can’t that’s all right as long as we’re friends and she’s happy is all I want.
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This post has been floating around on two of my other, much older blogs for several year now but I felt it worth reposting. See, if I had really been thinking I would’ve included a picture of said cocktail in this thing. Alas, I’m out of several ingredients, and no one wants to see a picture of a glass of air.

Here ’tis:
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Yup! It sure is. My brother first mentioned it when I last saw him down in FL but he didn’t tell me what it was called. Actually, his wife mentioned it to me. Said they had a party at their old house in OH, and he made something that tasted just like a melted lime popsicle, but…you know, wasn’t. She knew how strong they were and only had one (I think), but everyone else at the party was tossing them down like mad.

Needless to say, though it’s being said anyway, hilarity ensued (yeah FARK reference!).

Anyway here it is, for those who want to try it out. I wish I could show you a picture, but since my Interweb (har har) is broken partly, I can only give you the text. But yeah, it’s a good time…

Green Demon
———–
1 oz vodka
1 oz Midori melon liquer
1 oz rum (don’t use a dark one like Meyer’s, or clear like Bacardi silver. Anything else is good)
Lemonade (I’ve found Minute Maid works the best. And don’t use pink lemonade either, that’d just be nasty)
Maraschino cherry (the really sweet ones that some freaks put in salad)

Step 1: Pour vodka, Midori and rum into a cocktail shaker with ice
Step 2: Shake, and chill the hell out of it
Step 3: Strain into a highball glass filled with ice
Step 4: Top with lemonade and stir for a bit, to get it all nice and…stirred
Step 5: Toss that cherry on top and throw in one of those Stir ‘n’ Sip straw things, or whatever you want
Step 6: Enjoy the bastard! Then…make some more.

Sure, it might look involved and hell, maybe it really is but you know what? It just tastes too damn good not to make at least once, and once you make it there’s no going back. I swear it tastes JUST like a melted lime popsicle if you do it right. Smooooth.

Actually you know what? You can modify that cherry bit and put a real one in there if you want, with the stem and whatnot. I originally started out using the ones in the jar, I think they’re just called Mr. Cherry. They were ok, but they kept sinking to the bottom too fast, ‘course then you can make a game of trying to skewer them on your straw so that’s fun, too. But if you want, use the ones with the stems in ‘em for better floating power.

So since it’s Superbowl Sunday and people are sharing recipes and all that, I figured I’d post this one. It’s a candy recipe that my great-aunt made up ages ago, and it’s been shared around our family and family friends for years. Now, thanks to the power of teh interwebs, you can make some, too! It’s quick, it’s easy, and by god it’s delicious! So…enjoy.

AUNTIE BARBARA’S CANDY

 1 sleeve saltine crackers

  2  sticks butter

 1  Cup light brown sugar

 1 12-oz. bag semi-sweet choc. chips

  Heat oven to 375 degrees.

Line large cookie tray (one with sides)  with aluminum foil, then spread saltines evenly over whole tray in a single layer.

Mix sugar and butter together, bring to boil and stir for six minutes at a rolling boil, then spread evenly over the saltines.

Bake at 375 for 6 minutes.

Remove from oven, sprinkle entire package of choc. chips over the top of saltines and spread evenly.  They will melt as you spread, forming a nice chocolate candy layer.

Place entire sheet into the freezer until it sets. (approx. 1/2 hr.)  You can now break candy apart into whatever sizes you chose, removing the foil as you go.  

ENJOY!

I was tagged thrice on Twitter by @mmWine, @hieronymus and @kionee with the latest meme, which evidently is blogging about six things people might not otherwise know about you. Thinking about what to write has been tougher than I would’ve thought really, since I’m not sure what might be considered interesting or funny or whatever other adjective you want to throw in there. Well, here goes…

Oh but first, the rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on the blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post.
5. Let each person know they have been tagged.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

1. I haven’t been sailing since I was 10. Used to like it a lot, in fact I have many fond memories of sailing with my dad as a kid during the summers and playing ball tag in my uncle’s Sunfish on the pond. All those fond memories changed to a fear of sailing when my dad bought a Catamaran. Why? Well because he had just recently begun sailing it, and apparently wasn’t aware of how it actually worked and the fact that it usually takes two to really do it well. We ended up capsizing, and I was on the highest pontoon about 10 feet above the water. Naturally I wouldn’t have actually been hurt, but being that I was fairly small and it was pretty high, I was scared to death. That was the last time I was ever on a sailboat.

2. I have been to Europe a few times. Once, when I was 10, I spent a summer in Denmark with the family of an exchange student that we’d had for the previous summer. When he went back home, his family invited me to come with him and stay there for a bit. That was very fun, and I actually learned some about their culture and language and such. I remember buying a “Berlitz Danish for Travelers” book a day or two before my flight, and stayed up all night before it to read. My mother came into my room when she saw my light still on. When she asked what I was doing up, I explained that I was trying to finish the book, and I was really concerned that I might not be able to memorize the entire thing before my trip that afternoon. She still tells that story to this day. I went to Spain when I was 12, spent a week in Barcelona and got to stay in and eat at (briefly) the Olympic village. This was 1992. My dad for a time was the head coach for the US Blind Cycling team for the Paralympics, which are held after the Olympics in the same venues and such. Since he was involved with the team, he got to stay at the Olympic village and my mother and I accompanied him as much as we could. That was a pretty interesting experience. I also took a trip to Italy in 1996 and visited Rome, Florence and Venice.

3. I’m a fairly quiet person, and tend to keep to myself a lot. I come from a fairly large family, have a lot of aunts, uncles and cousins. Whenever we have get-togethers it can be a little bit overwhelming to any outside guests who might attend. Despite most of my family being pretty outgoing and social folks, I don’t really think that I am so much. Once I get to know people, or one-on-one I tend to open up a bit more, but in groups I rarely find myself the center of attention, and sometimes shy away a bit if I am. That probably stems from #4.

4. I was born 13 weeks premature, and spent the first few months of my life in the hospital due to various complications. I had a bone infection in my right hip, which spread to my eyes and is the reason I now need to wear glasses (well, I say “now”, I’ve had to wear glasses since I was 1). It also caused some scarring in my left retina, so as a result I can’t see very well out of that eye. Since my hip was somewhat fragile, I wasn’t able to play any contact sports as a kid for fear that it could be dislocated or something. Thus, I was never a football jock or a hockey player or anything like that. I also couldn’t play anything with projectiles really (I’m talking team sports here) for fear of damaging my one “good” eye. So, no baseball or tennis, either. What did I do as a kid then? Well, I was heavily into bike riding, rode pretty much every day during all my summers growing up, probably put in several thousand miles overall. I was also into golf (still am), karate and bowling. Due to all this, I never got into the whole team sports socializing mentality that a lot of kids did, and because I wore glasses and all that I never really thought I fit in much, so I tended to be quieter and keep to myself a lot. I’ve gotten better with that as I’ve gotten older, though it still sometimes crops up.

5. For some reason that I’ve never really figured out, I like office supplies, pens in particular, and I could spend several hours (possibly) browsing the aisles. Not quite as much as I like browsing electronics (ie, computer and tech) stores, but it’s close. I remember using a Parker rollerball pen in 3rd grade actually, which ended up failing pretty miserably and getting ink splotches all over my papers. Not cool.

6. I’ve always liked the idea of going on a cross-country road trip. Something about the freedom of the open road and all that calls to mind. That’s naturally gotten harder to think of actually doing, especially now that I have a daughter and with the price of gas being much more than it used to be. Still though, it’s something I’d like to do at some point. Maybe I will.

So with that out of the way, I’m going to go ahead and say to @scottypboston, @dieinafire, @jimmyp23, @revmem, @jacklhasa, @l_eau… TAG!! You’re it!

Today while I was out at Staples getting some supplies for work, I decided it was about time that I get a new USB flash drive. Why? Well because the first one that I’d been using with any regularity, my SanDisk Cruzer Micro 4GB had an unfortunate accident involving a falling laptop, a set of keys and a mini-blowtorch.

Shall I explain? Yes, I shall. I had the drive attached to my keys, as many people are wont to do. No big deal, right? Sure…

Enter the one day two weeks ago when I was working with the drive, needing to get some files off of it for something I was doing at work. Since I already had something on top of the laptop stand (read: monitor stand that I’ve adapted for my laptop), I rested it on my laptop bag. Fair enough, I thought. Of course it was bound to happen, I stepped over my laptop to try to go around it and get something else I needed. Right then, my foot kicked the top of the monitor and over it went. Along with it went the flash drive that had been plugged in.

I put it back upright and check out the drive. It’s pretty mangled, having had the USB connector bend up at an obscene angle. The funny thing was, the LED indicating it should work was actually still lit up. But, being that it was so trashed looking, I figured I’d at least attempt to straighten it first. Yeah, bad idea. Ended up pulling one of the pins off the board, though three of the four were still soldered nicely. This resulted in some fantastic non-working action of the thing lighting up when I plugged it in, and doing exactly nothing else. Rawk!

Ended up getting one of these bad larrys to replace it:

So a lot of people have probably been wondering what’s been up with me lately. Or at least, people who know me online (mainly from Twitter) are wondering I’m sure, because lately my tweets have been hinting at vague issues and things that are bothering me.

What better way to unbottle the bother than the post about it for the world to read! Hey, perfect! This is going to be a very long post, so if you’re not in a reading mood then you might want to come back. Seriously, it’s going to be. Maybe get a drink and pull up a chair or something, if you’re interested.

Where to begin? At the beginning. Just this past Friday I went to a party that was being thrown for my good friend Gary*, to celebrate his birthday as well as his two recent successful surgeries. I haven’t seen Gary in probably 5 years or more, though we grew up together and had been very close. Also in attendance at that party were some people I hadn’t seen in 10 years or so, including some girls I had gone to pre-school with.

Naturally the question came up, “So, what have you been up to, Pete?” Being that this party was in a bar, and therefore not super conducive to conversation, it was difficult for me to adequately sum up what had been going on with me since these people last saw me, so I had to only give them a brief and missing-piece-filled overview. If any of them are reading this, here’s more (too much?) detail for you.

I’m married. When I told people that at the party, I qualified it with a “…for now”. Why? Well that’s going to take explanation. Here goes (an attempt)…

My wife and I are both 28. We have a daughter, who’s now 7. Yes, we were very young parents. We got married soon after our daughter was born, though engaged while my wife was pregnant. Mainly I did it because I thought it was the “right thing to do” and we’d try to make things work. But even back then, things weren’t super great between the two of us and that really added more to it. Even still, we had our good times and tried to bring our daughter up to be a happy and healthy child.

My wife has a medical condition known as hydrocephalus which she developed when she was 12 that really didn’t affect her too severely until she was 16. When she was 16, she underwent a brain surgery to try and resolve her issue, by way of drilling a hole in the bottom of the third ventricle in her brain to relieve excess fluid and the resultant high pressure. While there is no cure for hydrocephalus, that surgery is basically as close as you can get to one, in the sense that when it works, it usually stays working. It worked well until 2003, when she started having similar symptoms from before, headaches were returning and things were just starting to become bothersome. Naturally we decided to seek help. Unfortunately at the time due to my work health insurance issues since I work in another state than where we live, we had to essentially start over from scratch. That caused months of delays really, until we finally had something setup with a new doctor who seemed to “get it” and think there might be an issue. Before we had a chance to see him and do whatever tests he’d wanted, things went south. A few months of hospitalization and rehab later, the end result was that she now has an actual hardware “drain valve” (essentially) in her head to redistribute the excess spinal fluid and reduce pressure, and due to all the complications she ended up having a stroke. She was 23 at the time.

She was unable to work after that, and has been on disability since. Things were “ok” for a year or so after her surgery in 2003, when she had to have it redone in 2004. From what we’ve been led to understand, with these actual hardware devices, it’s not a matter of if it will need to be redone, but more a matter of when. Could be several years, could be a couple months, could be a decade or more. It all depends on the physical device itself as well as the person and a lot of other factors.

Last year, she and I had begun to seriously talk about divorce. She had mentioned it before to me but more in a mean-spirited “I hate you right now” sort of way. This time we actually discussed it civily and rationally. Why? Well because neither one of us were happy, and there was a lot of tension between us pretty much all the time. We came to realize that it wasn’t good for our daughter to have parents that were so unhappy with each other that they rarely spoke except when necessary, and clearly didn’t show affection. I had started to look around for a place to move to last fall, but never did anything about it at the time mainly because I was trying to get my finances in order and a few other things.

This year? This year was the year of absolute hell. On the day before my wife’s birthday, I had to rush her to the hospital (about an hour away) because I knew something was wrong. She was asking me questions, I’d answer them, then she’d ask me again 2 minutes later as if she’d never asked before. Things like that, plus her balance was off and her eyes didn’t look “right” to me.

That led to another surgery, which led to an infection, then more surgeries, over a month in neurological ICU and finally back home. Right now? Well, because of all the damage her brain had endured from all the different procedures, she’s not really the same person anymore. At least that’s my opinion, she seems sort of unaware of everything going on a lot of the time, and she has very bad short-term memory issues. The most recent word we heard from the surgeons about that was, “Well, maybe things will improve in a year, but we’re really not sure. We don’t know why that happened.”

Here’s where I stand right now. My wife filed for divorce about 3 weeks ago. Our daughter will live with her and my wife’s parents, because she has other family there and her schooling, friends, etc will remain the same. I’ve just recently found a place to move to, and am doing so this weekend. You might assume that I’m upset about this situation, but the truth is I’m really not. I think that overall it’ll be beneficial to everyone, even our daughter, because ultimately I know that I’m going to be a happier person with whatever life brings me. For her to see that things aren’t all bad and relationships can work and people can truly be happy, that’ll be good for her.

Some people might think I’m a complete asshole, and only wanted to get divorced simply because of my wife’s medical issues. That’s not the case at all, I’m not that cold-hearted. The truth is, as I’ve said in here, things weren’t so great even before all those issues came up. Also, I wasn’t the one who filed, even though I did make my wishes known to her and as I said, we had discussed it. With this decision, she was very much aware of it, and did what she also thought to be right. I guess we’ll just have to see what happens next.

So I made a couple changes to the layout of this thing here. My original thought of “maybe do this, maybe do that” with my blog was starting to bug me, so I decided to just say screw it and do all 3. I’m coming up with some categories to try and separate out my entries into some semblance of sense. They of course will need something written in them before they become of any use, but still…that’s planned.

Also I’ve added in my Twitter updates to the sidebar. What the hell is Twitter? Well, I’ll write about it later for those unaware.

I haven’t really looked at enough blogs to get an idea of how most people do this though. As for my main section right now, it’s obviously blog-related posts, but I’m not sure that’s really the best layout design. Since most people would be aware of what’s going on with the blog by simply looking at it, is this even necessary really? I wonder…

Tonight I’m going to try and write my first real post of any substance. For a while now, on Twitter, I’ve been tweeting vaguely about some things going on with me. Some people have an idea of what’s up, others I’ve flat-out told, and one in particular knows virtually everything. I figured I’ll compromise a bit and be less elusive on it, though it’s going to be a very long entry. I can already tell that and I haven’t started writing it. Is there anything you think I should put here that I don’t have? I feel like it needs…something more, but what that is I don’t know yet.

Thoughts/questions/ideas? Feel free to comment. Thanks.

Hey Folks,

This is the first time I’ve actually started a “real” blog, so I’ll no doubt be testing the waters and trying to find my footing here for a while. Part of me wants to make this a personal type of thing, just stuff that I’m thinking about or things that are happening with me. Another part of me wants to make it some sort of review site or media-sharing thing with music or books or such that I’m into. Yet another part of me thinks maybe I’ll have some computer-related things on it, though that’s sort of tied into the first want, since I’m a computer person anyway.

I guess what I’m triyng to say it this could very well suck quite a bit, and will doubtless be a boring read before I decide what I ultimately want to do with it. If you have any suggestions on what you’d like to see me have on here, feel free to fire them my way. Thanks guys.